Getting my wife to ride...

[dds]

I have tried many times unsuccessfully to get my wife to start MTBing. She doesn't mind riding on the road (but isn't real comfortable) or a dirt road but she isn't into singletrack or anything mildly technical (downhill, rocky, etc).

I just love biking so much and I feel guilty sometimes when I leave her at home to go out for a ride for 3-4 hours. I wish she could be out there with me...

What should I do?

P.S. Divorce is out of the question!!

;)

[stumpy]

Unfortunately, in my experience, the significant other is NOT the person who should teach his/her spouse how to ride. I started out riding with my husband and hated riding with him. For some reason, I just didn't want to listen to him when he was trying to help me. So, I enrolled in a skills clinic. The clinic made me fall in love with mtbing. Now that I am more fit and have the technical skills, my husband and I ride together a lot more with little or not fighting. :)

Also, I have noticed other beginner women who are introduced to the sport of mtn biking by men who have already been riding for a while become intimidated and frustrated and tend to give up rather than looking for riders at their own skill levels. The women get in their heads that mtbing is too hard and they will never be able to keep up. Soooo, find someone else for her to ride with....in the beginning anyway....especially if you can find some other women in the sport. Or if you can find an skills clinic in your area, that would be very benefical to her too.

[hairygrump]

Is she nervous about the technical stuff, or does she just not think it's fun?

Maybe the two of you could learn trials together. It's technical for you, but she doesn't have to leave the neighborhood if she doesn't want to. Compromise, baby. You'll both have sweet jib rides in 2 years.

[SSCYCO]

I've been married for about 10 years. I ride all the time. I love mountain biking - road riding - dh'ing. My wife loves scrapbooking, crappy chick flicks and photography. I guess, if I was to expect my wife to love my hobbies, I would be expected to love hers. It'll be a cold day in hell when I sit down in front of some sappy movie while cutting out pictures and pasteing them into a big ass book. I love my wife for who she is, not what she does. We do ride together occasionally, but it's always her choice when, and a route that she picks.

[Divscotty]

My husband and I ride several times a month together. We often ride with another couple and we ride with the grandkids. Possibly if you find another couple to ride with she might be more interested. Just a thought.

Divscotty

[dds]

Wow, there's a lot of good info in this thread. I appreciate your input.

She likes to go to races and stuff but she's seen me crash a few times and maybe that scares her.

I'll ask the folks in my team/club and see if they have wives who she could ride with. The skills clinic is a good idea...I will check with the Base Rec center and see if they offer anything like that.

[ckozo]

my wife loves to ride, ride often, and ride fast.

however, when we first started dating, i took her on her 'first' mountain bike ride. i had been riding for over ten years and enjoy very very technical riding. as a result, my version of a beginner ride was very wrong! she stuck with it in spite of my ride choice stupidity, but that ride could have easily ruined any motivation that she had to ride again.

so my point...don't make my mistake, make sure her first (second, third...) ride is at the skill level and ride pace that she will, without a doubt, enjoy! those rides may be with you or with another group.

[stumpy]

Well said ckozo!!!! And that goes for ANY beginner rider.

[catzilla]

Many of the issues brought up here are exactly why I started the
Feminine Flow Ride (http://www.clubmud.com/flow_ride.shtml) .

It's a monthly cycle women will actually look forward to!
:p


It's been incredibly successful, and has offered many of the local women a chance to partake in mountain biking in a completely different way - for themselves, and for themselves alone.

For many of the women, this is the first time they have headed out to the trails without their male partners. Instead of the ride being dictated by their partners, the women get to ride EXACTLY how they want to ride.

Sometimes, this is the first time they have ridden with slower or less skilled riders. It does wonders for a rider's confidence when they realize how much they really have learned, and are able to pass their knowledge on to an eager learner.

Also, many of the women have misconceptions about how their physical strength affects their skills. Sometimes new female riders will assume that they simply don't have the strength for a particular skill, and will not continue attempting to learn. I've probably taught between 20-30 women how to pop a wheelie in less than 2 minutes. Nearly every one of them was under the impression that they simply lacked the upper body strength, when a wheelie actually has nothing to do with one's upper body strength.

Riding with a pack of women gives female riders an amazing sense of perspective and independence that only fuels their love for the sport.

I also have a slew of women's clinics and women's only basic bike maintenance clinics in the works for the future. My theory is that when the local women riders feel less dependent upon their male partners for rides, skills, and maintenance, they will finally be able to enjoy the sport to its fullest.

After all, what is mountain biking without the feeling of indepenance?

"I've got fancy plans, and the pants to match."

[stumpy]

What a great idea catzilla....and such a catchy ride title too. I bet your rides are very successful.

[michel]

it sounds like this is not going to happen at all.i bought this really super steel filled brazed gt with all the tricks and compfy bits.my girl went out a few times.when we went together it bother her that we were going slow gos she thought it would bother me!than she isn't keen enough to ride alone!she gos to the shops and things like that with the bike just short rides. an other thing is when you ride for a couple of years with friends you reach a certain level of fitness and steering technicks when think ist eassy first timmers can be dead scared, this can end in strange times. anyway she like walking.
mabee one day... and untill that day we both are happy walking and ridding.make sure that you keep it like this.

[thanita]

Has she tried riding with other people her level yet?

The feeling that you are "holding someone back" can be frustrating, cause the newbie to push harder than they'd like, but still be off the back. Especially if she's the competitive type. Why doesn't she join the forum, maybe there's an issue she has that we're completely missing. Hey, we were all there once (and still are occasionally!).
T

[michel]

for the moment we have givin it a rest. she use her bike a few times a week to go shopping and to friends and go to her work she likes the bike as a way of transport and getting around (for me there is no other way) but it is all new to her.she is from australia and they dodn't have the same cycling culture as we have in the Netherlands when i was 5 i went to school with my bike and that never stopted, she never went to school on a bike.i dodn't wanted to say that iam super on a bike or anything like it but in this case where oposites.i do think it would be good when she would have a female riddingfriend (as in youre nice and i didnt know you had a bike aswell)to have an easy ride.we both decided to give it a rest if she likes she gos.the most inportant thing is that we are having a good time and do things we like.i also think that since all my ridding buddy race expert level (i used to)and they are always competive even if we go ridding slowly they still want to be the ones how make the highest jump or anything like that or make compative jokes.but we only had a few rides with them there nice people but only when ther is now bike involved.anyway in november i go to live with my girl for a year and bring my bike (Ofcourse) we see ho things go.
thanks michel

[thanita]

Right on! All kinds of riding are fun, from whizzing downhill to pedaling a cruiser around a city; it's all good.
T

[bubbaZ]

I've seen a lot of wives & girlfriends check it out once or twice and decide it's not for them. In my experience, a lot of women find offroad riding intimidating. Myself included. Women in general are less reckless than men, and don't get as big a thrill out of throwing their bodies over rocks and logs and screaming down steep downhills just barely in control (or not). For me, that's meant it takes me longer to develop skills than other riders, because I'm more likely to bail out and walk an obstacle than to crash.

Add to that the fact that she's riding with a guy who is presumably much more experienced than her, and it can be no fun.

A few things helped me integrate into my longtime companion's 10+ year biking crew:

- If he and I are riding for my benefit, I lead. That way I don't feel like I have to keep up, and I can ride whatever obstacles I want. (Ironically, now that I can basically keep up, I'm more comfortable at the back if we're in a group - I can be as slow as I want, try things multiple times, and nobody has to see what I rode or walked! But we stop to regroup frequently so I don't feel abandoned - well, unless I'm having a really bad day.)

- Ride the same trails and obstacles more than once per trip to gain confidence. It's tough if you're trying to read an unfamiliar trail and decide what to do at the same time.

- Make it clear whose pace you're traveling at. If his goal is to ride with me (well, back when I was more lame) and others want to join us, they should expect less technical trails and a slower pace. If I am joining their ride plan, I should be prepared to wait at the car if it gets too hairy.

- Make sure her bike fits. It's got to feel like it's part of you, but most less experienced riders don't expect this or even really understand it. Rentals or test ride events are useful.

I definitely agree that you might not be the best person to teach her. She should have other role models to compare herself to.

Another thing that helped our overall relationship was buying rollerblades - something I was good at and he was not!

On the other hand, I am doubtful your wife will be converted if she doesn't really appreciate the road biking she's done. Not that it's not worth a try. But maybe she'd be happier hiking or trail running while you ride. Does she want to become a mechanic? ;)

Oh, one other thing, sometimes there are really beautiful fire-road-type trails in mtb areas. That might be appealing as a compromise outing.

Bub

[Kim D]

For my first mountain biking experience, my dad and husband took me on a mild twelve mile loop in the Poconos with some moderate climbs, a couple of nice descents,awesome views and two stream crossings...My dad coached me through the whole ride, shouting out tips and tons of encouragement. That's all it took. Yes, there were a few fits and starts on the rocky sections, some hesitation and mad braking on the downhills...but their patience and encouragement made me want to go again and again. Start her out on something mild where you can talk her through the ride. Watch how she handles the bike. You know more about bike set-up and fit more than she does (for now..). If she thinks the seat is too high, lower it...she is a beginner. When she becomes more comfortable on the bike, all those nuances and adjustments will come later. It has to be fun or she won't want to do it again, so make it fun and just be supportive. Most importantly, the initial rides have to be mild enough that she doesn't get hurt, but with a few challenges so she builds confidence. Now, I am addicted and I will ride anywhere,any time.

[The Rose]

two years ago i bult my wife a bike. i didnt have much money so needless to say the bike was a klunker. it was contrapted from parts given to me and some i had from previous bikes. my wife being the brave woman she is really tried to like riding but she just couldnt get comfortable. about a year later i picked up a ultra light hardtail frame, some really cool parts and put together a bike that was light fast and nice to look at. she liked the idea of the new bike and gave it another try. and although she felt better on the bike she didnt like always bringing up the rear and feeling as though people where waitng up for her. so we decided to ride just me and her. so then i would be able to help her with some things she wouldnt be comfortable to ask a large group. it's also nice because we now have the time to stay in one place and practice certain things like logs or short steep decents. just a few months ago she actually tried her first jump. and man she loved it. i just ride behind her letting her set the pace and let her learn to pick the best line . when we get to a section she's unsure of or just a little nervous i'll show her how to do it a few times and we'll be on our way again. our mountain biking trips have been put on hold because we have just found out that she is pregnant and i guess all that bouncing around isnt good for the baby. so for now we have to stick to the roads.