Build your own virtual fixie.

[OTBSkinloss]

This is kinda cool.
I killed about an hour.

http://www.pedalmafia.com/mafid/mafia_id.html

[AM Radio]

This is kinda cool.
I killed about an hour.

http://www.pedalmafia.com/mafid/mafia_id.html

How did you kill the hour?

[OTBSkinloss]

How did you kill the hour?

Screwing your momma, loser. Now go eat a gun. :rolleyes:

[AM Radio]

Screwing your momma, loser. Now go eat a gun. :rolleyes:

Sorry, but we were looking for "dirt nap." Thank you for your entry though. If you have luck blowing the dust off any good come-backs please let us know.
~Moms

[OTBSkinloss]

Who's we?
You got a turd in your pocket?
I give up. You are soo much cooler than me. I bet you drink boiling water and piss ice.

Just wanted to pass along a kinda cool thing, but you gotta take a jab.
OK, you win. You're better than me. You're wife has a higher butt than my wife. Your kids like you more than my kids like me.



Feel better now?

[myron]

I have a friend named Jimmy, who happens to be a self proclaimed expert on this sort of thing. Here's what he has to say...

Just kill yourself already

***Warning: If suicide is a sensitive topic for you STOP READING, or you will cry, this is a bit dark.******


Are you sick of humanity letting you down again and again? Does all the war and hatred in the world make you wonder why you even bother? Did someone just eat your last cherry popsicle? It's all easy enough to escape, off yourself. What better way to help the environment than to voluntarily lighten the load? You'll be cancelling out not only yourself but any potential offspring. That's right people, do it for the children. The following is a helpful guide to the best, worst and most manly ways to end it all.

Worst


- The Overdose -


Many people like to kill themselves by taking too many pills, this is wrong. Taking too many pills is like dying in your sleep when you get old, it is no fun at all. Don't you want the opportunity to stare death in the face and say, "Death, you ****in' win dude." Don't you want to defecate yourself in anticipatory fear? Don't You want that adrenaline shot that only comes with imminent mortal danger? Do not let your last action on this earth be to puss out completely.



The overdose a'la Chris Farley

- The Faker -


You know who you are ****er. You're not going to kill yourself, you never were. You just wanted the stage for awhile so you could have a shitty little play about killing yourself. Why? Because you are so very boring. You could have staged a murder or a zombie attack. But that wasn't good enough was it? Why? Because you needed cold hard pity points. Hey! Save up enough and someone who cares might just put you out of your misery for you, since they now know that you are too much of a ****up to do it properly.



Do it right

- The suicide bomber -

The most ball-less of suicides. It almost makes me wish that there were actually a Devil. Somehow, these folks get the idea in their head that God likes it when you blow up women, children and some guy who was just minding his own business, reading the paper. This logic is probably derived from when God said to Abraham (or Ibrahim who Christians, Jews and Muslims all honor), "Now go forth and be a total prick."


'Father Abraham had many sons, and many sons had father Abraham. I am one of them, and so are you, so let's all praise the lord.'



look at yourself in the mirror with a straight face first

-The diabolical-


eating a pound of exlax then being drowned upside down in a barrel of kerosene while someone sets your legs on fire and hits you in the nuts ( or vagina), with one of those things that shoots tennis balls. No bueno.

"Hey you monkeys, get out of there, thats my death barrel, Ben get the tennis ball gun"

Best


- The jimmy-


My personal choice is a foolproof, exciting and downright fun suicide. What you do is, go skydiving, do it a couple times so you can go without a tandem (this way you don't have to murder anyone). Now that you're out of the plane take out your knife and cut off the chute in freefall. Enjoy an awesome speed dive back to the earth from whence you came. Okay this is the important part, before you hit take your .357 magnum out of hiding and put a bullet in your brain pan, the closer to the ground at the time, the more points you get. This ensures you won't have one of those freak bounces that leaves you alive with every bone broken. There is NO excuse for ****ing up a suicide.

"Sorry brother, I don't got time to wait, I gotta kill my ass today"

-Willing yourself dead-


Certainly ratcheting up the difficulty with this one. Willing every cell in the body to halt requires a high degree of determination and skill. I've only seen this once and it was after someone saw their great grandmother covered in gravy and nothing else, it wasn't disgusting to me, just sexy, probably because we weren't related.



"I'm off-ing myself, I mean look at my ****ing hat"

- The failed heist -

You've always wanted to rob a big bank, don't lie. Well instead of shooting yourself at home alone, try to pull off a bank job, why not? Don't be selfish, you'll be doing a favor to bank customers and employees by giving them an exciting story of derring-do, when before they only had the most inane bullshit to bore their friends, family, spouse, and aquaintances with. Have fun with it, get wacky, wear mickey mouse gloves and speak pig latin. When you run outside and the cops order you down, pull a squirt gun on them, congratulations you've just ruined lives, careers and managed to off yourself.



"That's ight-ray other ****er-may , all of it"

Manliest


-Stabbing yourself in the chest -


Elliott Smith didn't have the most manly music around, but he rectified that with an extremely manly suicide. In order to stab yourself fatally in the chest, you really have to want it. This is no cry for help, this is "I'm going to stab my heart with a knife.".. It could only have been cooler if it was..for a $5..bet with some friends at a bar.


"I'll ****ing do it too, I'm crazy"

-Raping a shark-


In order to assert yourself as the dominant species on both land and water, you are going to have to make sacrifices. Sure, there's no way you are..going to survive, but the few good pumps you do get in will make him and his kind think twice before ****ing with your species again, also you get the added benifit of the title "shit supreme" in the afterlife. Get ready to beat angelic pussy off with a manly stick.



Smells like fish

- Death by ants -


How could you better say "Thanks for everything world," than to give back everything you took. Just go to Brazil, coat yourself in honey and start playing "mine is bigger than yours" in an anthill, nature will take care of the rest. You may want to learn a mantra to chant as the hordes slowly devour your nerve endings mandibleful by mandibleful. Men everywhere will feel their penis shrink just a little as you hoard all the manliness on the planet.


"Get out of my pee hole"


-jimmy

[Spatafore]

Kinda fun. Wish there were a little more options though.