View Full Version : Funny Do's and Don'ts of Mountain Biking
Spatafore
12-31-2004, 08:20 PM
I have done many do's and don'ts during mountain biking that are somewhat comical. I am pretty sure that there are alot of other people out there that have also done some pretty wacky things also so I thought that maybe we should share some of them and have a few laughs while doing so. Here's myne:
Don't hose your bike off in your shower. Yes it might only take 5 minutes to clean the bike, but it took me over an hour to clean and unclog the shower afterwards.
robcycle
01-04-2005, 03:57 PM
DON'T grab a handful of front brake on a sketchy descent.
DO assume every car is trying to kill you.
-Rob.
plume_mtb
01-04-2005, 04:51 PM
don't forget to pack spare tubes, even if you're going tubeless...
don't follow your fellow rider too closely, even if you're on level terrain. (been on both ends of this).
never assume the weather will be on your side, especially if you live in upstate New York.
and finally do be nice to that new rider in the group even if they're wearing soccer shorts and a cotton t shirt...
Fergie
01-04-2005, 05:15 PM
I was once riding my GT LTS, and broke the derailleur hanger off. Being a smarty mechanic (and far into the woods), I taped the derailleur to the frame, and converted the bike to a singlespeed. Got a good chainline, with proper tension, and rode to the top of the local trails. As I climbed the last few hundred feet, I kept hearing a clicking sound, and when I pedaled hard, something was rubbing on the tire. Turns out that the design of the frame causes the chainstay length to increase as it goes through the travel. I didn’t realize it, but every bump was causing the chain to get pulled tighter, but there was almost no slack.
Since the bike was not designed for that kind of loading, it snapped the chainstay part of the swing-arm. The clicking was the frame knocking where it broke, and the rubbing sound was the rear tire moving all over the place. I had to walk my bike all the way back out of the woods.
Don’t singlespeed your full suspension bike unless it is a URT or something!
OTBSkinloss
01-04-2005, 05:27 PM
Don't sober up awake.
Don't date a woman with a tatoo of a dagger on her face.
Don't EVER say "Hey dude! Check this out!" before trying a new trick.
Do, lube your chain now and then.
Do stop and smell the roses.
Do date a girl who rides if you can find one.
Do admire the beautiful male cyclists bodies.
Don't exchange sex for bike repair. Unless.......oh, forget it.
:D
wigger thomas
01-05-2005, 04:08 AM
Don't forget to put your front wheel in the car or run over it.
Don't drive into a car port with your bike on the roof rack.
RandomAssSOB
01-05-2005, 02:15 PM
Don’t singlespeed your full suspension bike unless it is a URT or something!
Had a buddy do that recently. He thought he was pretty studly until he noticed the groove in his chainstay from the chain rubbing. We're now all waiting for him to snap it on a ride.
Don't exchange sex for bike repair. Unless.......oh, forget it.
Now, cosg - you simply CANNOT make a comment like that w/out sharing the full story! At least tell us which was better, the sex or the repair . . .
hophead
01-05-2005, 02:29 PM
Don't date a woman with a tatoo of a dagger on her face.
That never occured to me, but I would have to agree. And this is from personal experience?? :eek:
hophead
01-05-2005, 02:33 PM
Oh, and don't remove leaves that are wedged between your front wheel and the fork arch while you are riding.
This is advice to myself. I have yet to have my hand sucked in, but it's only a matter of time.
LoneBiker
01-05-2005, 02:40 PM
HAHA! Ive attempted trying to remove debris while riding, I dont think its ever a good idea.
I've caught myself doing that incredibly stupid front wheel junk removal grab manuever on occasion also. BAD IDEA.
Don't poach a trail closed due to erosion.
On a related note, don't endo a lot.
Don't ride on wet railroad tracks.
Don't faceplant with a backpack full of wine on the way back from the grocery store.
Don't ride hungover.
Do stop at swimming holes a lot.
Do take your doggy out a lot.
Don't scream in the woods like you're in a Mountain Dew Commercial.
Do commute a lot.
Ride with your woman as much as possible.
Be nice to non wheeled trail users.
PutAwayWet
01-05-2005, 04:26 PM
DO wait up for slower, new riders.
DON'T pogo off the top of your head while endo-ing.
DO respect trails and wildlife.
DON'T leave toilet paper in the woods.
DO stop and enjoy nature.
DON'T go for three hour rides in 95 degree heat after eating a pound and a half of salmon.
DO cover up salmon puke with leaves when finished.
Now, cosg - you simply CANNOT make a comment like that w/out sharing the full story! At least tell us which was better, the sex or the repair . . .
Hee-hee!! I'll never tell! Unless......oh, nevermind. :D :D
Spatafore
01-05-2005, 05:47 PM
Hee-hee!! I'll never tell! Unless......oh, nevermind. :D :D
I will fix whatever you need fixed anytime! And if it can't be fixed, we'll make it right somehow! Just give me about 6 to 8 hours to get up there! Hehe ;)
I will fix whatever you need fixed anytime! And if it can't be fixed, we'll make it right somehow! Just give me about 6 to 8 hours to get up there! Hehe ;)
:D :D Well, let's see...my chain in first gear isn't quite right, my rear wheel is a little warped, I'd like a clicker shifter to be put on for the front derailleur, and do you have any spare disc brakes? They'd have to be very light. hee hee! :D :D
dirty_sanchez
01-05-2005, 10:06 PM
Don't eat a bunch of donuts ride before the ride, you'll be haunted by donuts the whole ride :eek:
Cyclenaut
01-05-2005, 10:34 PM
Do admire the beautiful male cyclists bodies.
True that! And I'm not talkin' about any skinny roadies, either. Unless he's a sprinter.
Don't exchange sex for bike repair. Unless.......oh, forget it.
That just makes me laugh and laugh! In my case though, I shouldn't exchange bike repair for sex. ;)
Also, despite having learned this lesson the hard way over and over and over, wine is not a good beverage to drink the night before a big ride.
tomPORC
01-06-2005, 01:25 PM
After bombing down Sunnyside trail (in Aspen CO takes about 10 min. non-stop), do not lean your calf into the rotor unless you want branded like a steer. It creates a great conversation piece, but is nasty to take care of.
steelrollin'
01-06-2005, 02:15 PM
[QUOTE=tomPORC] do not lean your calf into the rotor unless you want branded like a steer. [QUOTE]
Is that how you cauterize a chainring gouge?
RideOrDieDan
01-06-2005, 03:37 PM
Do date a girl who rides if you can find one.
But on the first date don’t fall down a gravel trail and end up visiting the ER to get 14 stitches.
exchange sex for bike repair.
:D
my girlfriend and I both love that deal!
Ride with your woman as much as possible.
and help her get faster than your friends!
Be nice to all trail users
Help people on the trial with problems, someday you’ll need help too
Put your trash in your pockets
onespeedesq
01-07-2005, 12:25 PM
DO be nice and give your spare tube to the guy on the trail with an unrepairable flat.
DON'T get a flat of your own a mile later.
(This happened to me in hell-and-gone Montana with about 12 miles to go, and my flat was hardly any easier to fix than his)
OTBSkinloss
01-07-2005, 09:30 PM
But on the first date don’t fall down a gravel trail and end up visiting the ER to get 14 stitches.
Hey Dan. Wasn't it you who posted that thread last summer or so, about the first date crash and the girl who brought you beer to heal with, after the hospital visit? Is that still the same GF? If not, do you still have her #? PM me with it. :D